They say it right—you don’t marry a man, you marry his family. Once married, your decisions not just impact the life of your husband, but your in-laws as well. Hence, it is really important to have an honest conversation with your in-laws before marriage to set the right expectation levels and strike a rapport with them. Here are a few topics every woman should discuss with her partner’s parents before tying the knot…
While a healthy relationship with in-laws requires adjustment from both the parties, it is always a good idea to talk about your current lifestyle and the life you are expected to lead after marriage. You can discuss about your office hours, what all you can do once you are back home from office, whether you would like to cook or need some assistance, how you would be spending your weekends, your ‘me time’ etc. Conversation on this topic would also help you gauge what they expect you to tweak in your daily routine and you can set mutually-agreeable expectations.
Whether you intend to be a homemaker or a working partner, discuss about your career choice with your future in-laws along with your fiancé before marriage. Also, you can also talk about how you would like to manage your finances post marriage. We are not asking you to disclose your annual income, but you can always tell them if you are in debt, paying off any loan, would like to provide financial help to your own family after marriage or have any other major expenses. Remember, it is equally important for your in-laws as well to share their financial status.
After having a discussion with your fiancé, you can also talk about your views on children with your in-laws. You need not discuss your family plans (which will be quite embarrassing) but drop hints about what you believe should be an ideal time for a person to wait before having kids. In fact, it is the best time to share your opinion about adoption and listen to their views about people who don’t want to be biological parents. Remember to be very subtle and make it a friendly discussion rather than just talking about your own beliefs.
Marriage brings up the responsibility of managing an entire household on a couple and no one can escape from it. Therefore, it is really important to discuss where all you can contribute and where you would require help from other family members or a maid. There is no point in trying to impress your in-laws by committing to something that you cannot do and then complicating matters.
Whether you are an atheist or a religious person, be straightforward and share your religious beliefs with your in-laws. Tell them how comfortable you would be observing certain festivals, how much you follow traditions and rituals and how often you visit a church. It might sound frivolous, but clarity on this topic will save you from a lot of misunderstandings in future.
No matter how much you adjust or try to be on the same page with your in-laws, arguments are inevitable. But what matters is how you handle them. Whether you like to resolve an argument at the spot or take some time off to brood over it or you have any other mechanism to handle it, figure out a mutually acceptable way to manage a conflict.
Marriage doesn’t mean that you put a full stop on your dreams and aspirations. Whether you want to travel 30 countries before turning 30, learn Salsa, go on a week-long trip with your besties, buy a farmhouse or adopt a stray dog, make sure you let them know the life goals you want to accomplish. It would help them to understand you better and you never know, you may find your mother in-law helping you in fulfilling them.
