In a new study, a quarter of husbands thought their wives climaxed more often than they really did. Unfortunately, faking it can have long-term repercussions.
that 43% of husbands “misperceived” how often their wives climaxed. Men consistently experienced orgasm 87% of the time during sex. For women, it was 49% – but 25% of men thought their wives climaxed more.
Lots of women struggle to achieve an orgasm, says Kate Moyle, a psychosexual and couples therapist. “All the emphasis is around intercourse and less around clitoral stimulation. We are now getting a better education around that.”
Another study, in 2014, created the Faking Orgasm Scale for Women, with motives for faking it split into four factors: to get sex to finish; to increase their own arousal; to avoid “fear and insecurity” that they can’t achieve orgasm; and – most commonly – to avoid hurting their partner’s feelings.
The problem is, says Moyle: “If you start faking orgasms, you may feel the need to continue it and it puts up a wall in terms of communication about what feels good and what doesn’t. The female partner may feel: ‘I can’t tell him I haven’t had an orgasm and he needs to do something different,’ and he thinks she’s having a good time and he doesn’t need to do anything differently.”
The new study found that 17% of husbands underestimated their wives’ enjoyment. Moyle thinks this is partly to do with lack of education. “We’re not taught about female pleasure,” she says. Pornography may portray women’s orgasms as vocal and obvious, which is not every woman’s experience. “If your wife is having an orgasm but isn’t showing the kind of display you might see in online porn, then you might feel confused or underestimate it.”
Open communication from the start is ideal, she says, but what if you need to broach the subject months or years down the line? “The best time to talk about sex is when you’re not having sex. Approach the conversation positively, rather than critically. Discuss it in terms of: ‘I’d like us to try and do something differently,’ not: ‘When we have sex, you don’t do this.’ It’s going to be massively beneficial for both of you and your relationship.”
